Last Updated:
5 Aug 10
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Personal Log of Lieutenant, Rinoco Whitedeer,
Medical Officer, USS Endeavor NCC 1716;
Stardate 0034.2
Rinoco Whitedeer. Personal Log.
Patient has recurring dream of living in a tribal society, primitive,
with rudimentary huts, situated on the edge of a great lake, massive
lake. So great that the other side can't be seen from the shore. It's
a fishing community, there are boats made of wood.
She dreams that she takes a boat far away from the shore, into the
mists, to see what's out in the lake. She sees islands of light, and
hears the sounds of unknown creatures. She keeps paddling, she wants
to see more of the lands of the lake, but a fog closes in.
When the fog closes in she hears a scream, and sees that the boat has
sprung a leak. But instead of water coming in the boat is filling with
bright red blood, and as it flows in, it screams with a hundred
voices, a thousand voices. She bails the boat, scooping out the blood
with her hands, and notices that her hands have become stained bright
red, and that the faster she bails the boat, the faster it fills with
blood.
As the boat keeps filling, and the fog keeps rising, she doesn't see
that the boat has turned around in the fog, that it has returned to
the shores of the village, full of blood.
Then the fog engulfs the village and the screams of the dying wake her up.
...Physician, heal thyself.
Stardate 7539.0 I can't get the look on the Klingon's face out of my mind. I close my
eyes and see an angry, snarling, yet startled swarthy face
dissolving. He haunts me, even after I gave the antidote to the
Klingons. Angry face, startled look, dissolve. Angry face, startled
look, dissolve. I vaporized a sentient being. I probably inhaled his
remains. Angry face, startled look, dissolve. It was self-defense, I
told him to stay back or I'd shoot and he charged, so I shot. Angry
face, startled look, dissolve. It's the startled look that gets me, I
think, like he wasn't really charging, he just tripped or stumbled.
You hear about how warlike Klingons are, and it seems natural to
assume he was charging to attack the two med techs and myself, but on
the other hand, he was on the ship trying to help his people escape
genocide. Way back in the mists of time, I'm sure ancestors on both
sides of my family tree had similar motivations at times in history.
Diseased blankets, atomic bombs. Shadows on walls. Angry face,
startled look, dissolve.
Giving the Klingons the antidote and the instructions and findings on
the disease was a kind of atonement, in a way. Prevent their genocide
and maybe his face will fade forever. I don't know, I got a bit manic
during all that, it's a little foggy in spots.
I don't know whether the Klingons have made it or not, and I don't
know how I'd find out. Even if I hadn't shot the Klingon, I still
would have given the Klingons the antidote. Perhaps I might have
consulted with Doctor T'Loc or the Captain first, though. Official
channels, and by the time Starfleet HQ got around to approving or
denying the antidote's release, it would be too late. An entire race
of sentient life would be eradicated. exterminated like insects. Damn
protocol.
I would have given the Klingons the antidote anyway. Warlike or not,
they're sentient beings. I don't know how I'll feel if those sentient
beings turn around and wage war on the Federation. Betrayed?
Punished? Guilty? I'd hoped that they might see this as an offering
of friendship, or peace. But since the Organians have disappeared,
Klingons are now free to vent whatever grievances they had with the
Federation back when the Organians declared peace for us. I've done
what I've done; where it goes now is in the hands of fate. But I hope
they live.
I'm enroute to Izar now, where the Endeavour is in for refit, and
many of the injured crew are under care. I had to pull a few strings
to get out of being nailed to the deck at Station Zeta-Omicron, but I
had to get to where the crew is to make sure everyone is looked
after. I'm just now catching up on what happened on the Endeavor
after I beamed over to help out on the Station. Very sketchily, and
as fast as I can, because it seems like as soon as I'm done reading
one screen and try to scroll down, the file gets classified. I have a
vague and quite disturbing picture of events in sickbay after I left.
I never should have left.
Since just about everything is now classified beyond my reach, I've
turned to the grim task of trying to update the crew roster for the
medical department. Thirty-five deaths on the ship. Seven deaths in
medical. Kasparov in the Klingon raid on the Endeavour; Deeringham,
Greene and Yonkers on the Mallard, prize ship turned decoy; Gonzales,
Jones, and Smith on transporter raids against Orion ships while
defending the station. Med techs and nurses on transporter raids. We
clean up after raids, we don't go on them. Lots and lots of injured,
the entire crew to some degree it seems. I just want to check and be
sure all the crew is looked after. Not that there's any doubt, it's
just... It's just something I have to do.
Whitedeer out.
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Game Current Stardate:
8690.0
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